Starting Over
by Jellico
Summary: Series 'What If'. When tragedy strikes and Lucas is forced to live with Dan, the latter is determined to become a good father and raise his firstborn son the way he always wanted to. But with a grieving Lucas equally determined to maintain his distance from everything and everyone under Dan's roof, what will it take to get these two stubborn Scotts to become a family?


So many things had changed for Lucas Scott since the end of his sophomore year at Tree Hill High. Now the bedroom he slept in every night was huge, at least three times as large as the one he'd grown up in. The furnishings that surrounded him were also new and high end, the clothes in his closet were sname brand, and the electronics he'd been given by his "dad" were purposely the latest and greatest, but what did this all amount to, really?

In Luke's opinion … not much.

The truth was he didn't care for any of it. He wasn't awed by his new wealth and he wasn't grateful for the second chance he was being given to finally live like Nathan. If anything, he was annoyed, offended and straight up sick about it. He wasn't a pampered prick like his dickhead of a half-brother. He didn't need _or_ want so much expensive crap, and he hated what had had to happen for him to receive each and every item. The price he'd had to pay wasn't fair. It had been way too high.

Today was a school day and time was running out to get there on time, but Lucas tried not to think about that for the moment. He sat on his queen-sized bed fully dressed and refused to make a single move to gather his backpack or get going. Instead, he looked at the 8x10 picture of his mom on his night-stand and he blinked fast, missing her worse than ever.

It had been six months since her funeral in March, twenty-five weeks since some worthless stoner had shot her dead after hours one night in the café. Today also made it six months minus a day since the battle over Lucas himself had begun, pitting brother against brother and son against father until money had secretly changed hands and the judge had ultimately ruled against Keith's plea for full custody.

Luke's brows drew together as he thought now of his so-called father. Dan Scott may have won the legal right to raise him that godawful day in June, but that's all the bastard had won so far. He had yet to obtain the respect or the affection of his firstborn son, and as far as Lucas was concerned, hell would truly freeze over before Dan deserved either one.

Reminded of his resolve once again, Lucas ignored his growling stomach and stayed put while he listened to the sounds outside his door, sounds filtering inside a mansion that was now his home against his will, occupied by people who set his teeth on edge. It wasn't Deb's presence that he minded so much since she travelled a lot for work and left him alone the few days a month she was around. He also didn't mind Grandma May who had popped in for a visit two weeks ago and wasn't due to leave for several more days. Maybe she hadn't been much of a grandmother to him until recently, but she was definitely making up for lost time now and Lucas loved having her nearby. How could he not? She was almost exactly like Uncle Keith. No, the people in this house that set Luke's teeth on edge were mostly just two: the man of the house himself, Dan Scott, and his perfect athlete of a son, Nathan.

For the tenth time in as many minutes, Lucas wished he could just get up and leave.

He had planned to escape the confines of his fancy new prison well before anyone else got out of bed this morning, but that was completely out of the question this Friday thanks to one too many snoozes of his alarm clock. Now he was screwed. If he wanted to avoid crossing paths with anyone in his so-called "family" – the way he'd made it a habit to do every day so far since his junior year had started last week – then his choices were basically two: either break out the window, drop fifteen feet to the ground below and then bleed his way to school, or sit here and wait for his father and his half-brother to get the hell out of the house before him. For obvious reasons, Lucas chose to sit.

His blue eyes drifted to the clock on his bedside table.

8:18.

8:19.

8:20

At 8:21, Lucas cursed under his breath.

First period started at 8:30 on the dot and Tree Hill High was four miles away. With the school bus long since passed by now, he could only make it at this point if he went by car and that was only if he left this very instant and skipped breakfast altogether. He _didn't_ have a car though – at least not one he was willing to drive – so he was going to have to hoof it on foot, which meant he was going to be late for sure. There was no escaping that now.

Lucas curbed his impatience and watched the clock until another six minutes had ticked by. The second it read 8:27, he snatched his backpack off the carpeted floor and then crossed the room to the door. He couldn't see the driveway from the windows in his upstairs bedroom, but even if he could have, he wouldn't have needed to look out, he was sure. Nathan just had to be gone by now in the Jeep Wrangler he'd received for his last birthday, and as for good ol' Dan, he, too, had to be on his way to work. In all the months Lucas had lived here, Dan Scott was always out of the house and heading for the dealership by 8:25 because he insisted on being there, settled behind his desk, before the sales office opened at nine and the early bird customers started trickling in. Lucas slung his pack over his right shoulder and then jogged down the hall, grateful for once that the man of the house was so anal and predictable.

With his empty stomach complaining louder than ever and the smell of his grandmother's handiwork wafting up from the ground floor, Luke's thoughts shifted to food while he sprinted down the back stairs. He was already late for school, wasn't he? Maybe he could stick around the house long enough to eat breakfast. Gran was always cooking too much for the family anyway, so there was bound to be plenty of mouth-watering leftovers. Maybe –

"Well, well, well, someone I know sure overslept. For an honor student, you're way behind schedule today, don't you think, son?"

Lucas jerked to a halt. There in the kitchen with May and leaning casually against the counter while holding a steaming cup of coffee was the very parent Lucas had wasted the last hour trying to avoid. Why the hell was his father still here? Lucas could have asked, but then that would have implied he actually cared enough about Dan Scott to start a conversation with him, and that sure as hell wasn't the case. Lucas did not care about Dan and he was determined that he never would. Not now. Not ever. To prove it, he ignored the man's question, dropped his pack in the hallway and then went directly over to May to kiss her cheek. "Morning, Gran."

"Good morning, honey. You hungry?"

"Starved."

"Well, start with a glass of juice and then pull up a chair. I'll fix you a plate."

Lucas did as he'd been told, still refusing to acknowledge his father. Dan, of course, wasn't one to be snubbed for long.

"So, what happened to you, son? You should be in class by now, shouldn't you?"

Lucas was silent a beat longer then sighed heavily and cut his eyes briefly to the left. "It's only first period. I can make up the time."

"I'm sure you can, slugger, but tardiness isn't a good habit to get into when college is just around the corner. You've got high grades and a clean record, unlike your brother. What do you say we keep it that way?" Dan waited for Lucas to reply, but the boy obviously had nothing to say to him – at least nothing that was civil – so he took a sip of his coffee and then tried again. "Seeing as how you're already late, I guess this means you'll finally take your car to school this morning, am I right?"

"Nope."

"Nope? What do you mean 'nope'?"

Lucas accepted the plate of bacon, eggs, toast and sausage that his grandmother handed him, then thanked her and stubbornly kept his eyes on his plate while he dug in. "I mean exactly what I said. I'm not driving that car anywhere. It's yours, not mine."

Dan's good humor evaporated. "It _is_ your car, Lucas. I gave it to you. I told you it's a gift for all the years I didn't give you anything."

"And I told _you_ you can't buy me," Lucas retorted without skipping a beat. "I'll drive myself to school when I've saved enough money to buy my own damn car, a car that _I_ picked out."

"Oh, really."

"Yeah, really."

"You do that, kid, and you'll be cutting off your nose to spite your face."

"So what? What do you care?"

"What do I care?" Dan took a very definitive step towards his pig-headed son who still refused to look at him. "I care because I spent months tracking down the perfect car for you, and then I spent a small fortune getting it here!"

Lucas swallowed a bite of sausage then casually reached for his glass of juice. "Well gee, Dan, I guess it sucks to be you then, doesn't it?"

Never before had Dan's right hand itched so badly to reach out and deliver a slap. If he gave in to the impulse, though, forgiveness from his firstborn would never come, and Dan was already having enough trouble just making the simplest of connections. No matter what Lucas said, no matter what he did, the boy could not be treated like Nathan yet, and at this rate, God only knew when he would be. Dan knew he couldn't afford to forget that, not even for a second, so he took a deep breath and counted to twenty before he spoke again.

"Lucas … I am asking you nicely, son … don't do this. That Sting Ray coupé out there is a classic from 1963. It's an octane-fueled masterpiece and it's your dream car from what your uncle told me. Hell, I even made sure I found one in Tuxedo Black so you would have your favorite color. I thought you would love it."

"Well, guess what, _Daddy_? You thought wrong as usual, so how about you leave me the hell alone for once so I can eat in peace?"

As Lucas finally set down his fork to glare at his father, and Dan stared back at him with a pulsing jaw of his own, May decided this morning's face-off had gone on long enough. She turned to her son brightly and patted his arm.

"Danny? Don't you have a meeting soon with your sales managers?"

Dan studied his firstborn a moment longer then set down his coffee cup. "Yeah, Mom, I guess I'd better get to it since I'm sure not making any progress around here." Dan watched Lucas go back to eating his breakfast and shook his head. "What time will dinner be ready tonight?"

"Oh, probably around 6:30."

"Fine. I'll make sure I'm home."

Dan exchanged a kiss with May then paused for only a moment before he deliberately went over to Lucas and kissed the top of his bent head as well. "Have a good day at school, son."

Lucas jerked away the second he was touched, but Dan refused to show that it bothered him. He strode out of the room and didn't look back.

May watched her irritated grandson scrub the spot that just got kissed, behaving exactly as Danny himself would have at age sixteen if a relative he hated had dared to get too close. Someone clearly needed to help these two along because it definitely wasn't healthy for Lucas to despise his father this much half a year after moving in. What kind of family was this for a grieving child to grow up in?

May was certain she knew the answer to that and she was also certain that it was up to her to turn things around. She'd been trying to already these last few weeks, but obviously her efforts had been too discreet thus far. Well, no more. She joined her mulish grandson at the table, determined to make a dent in his armor.

"Young man, I'm guessing you thought that if you came down to breakfast this late you could avoid seeing your daddy just like you've been doing every day since I've been here."

Lucas trained his eyes back on his meal as he gave up rubbing his head and settled on stabbing a sausage with his fork. "Yeah, well, too bad it didn't work."

"Oh honey, can't you give your daddy a chance? He loves you so much, you know. More even than Nathan, I'm convinced."

Lucas burst out in a bitter laugh. "No disrespect, Gran, but you're off your rocker if you really believe that."

"Am I? Then I must have been imagining it every time I saw him try to hug you—"

"Yeah, sixteen years too late. And you're forgetting his endless obsession with basketball, which I don't have a single hope in hell of being able to play professionally anymore thanks to my stupid HCM."

"Honey—"

"My future is not on the court anymore, Gran. At most – if I'm lucky – it's on the sidelines coaching, and Nathan doesn't have that problem. _Daddy_ didn't pass his bad genes on to him. Why would he? He passed them on to me, so Nathan's game is friggin' better than ever after going to High Flyers this past summer. He's going all the way to the NBA and that's the only thing our _daddy_ wants in a son. It's the only thing he respects."

As Lucas snatched up a slice of bacon then chewed it viciously, May reached out to pat his arm. "Listen to me, honey. Basketball may have been the most important thing to your daddy at one time, but it's not anymore. What's important to him is you. Nathan may be healthier than you are, and he may very well reach the NBA some day and make Danny fit to bust with pride when that day comes, but there will always be something special inside _you_ that Nathan will never have no matter how many shots he sinks in a game. Would you like to know what that is?"

Lucas told himself over and over that he wasn't interested in knowing what it was and that he wasn't going to ask, but when May fell silent and didn't go on, he stopped eating. He stared down at his plate, his mind racing, and finally, he couldn't take the curiosity anymore. He chanced a glance upwards and gave a small nod, hating himself for caring.

May saw his struggle and offered him a supportive smile. "It's your mama, sweetheart. You have your mama inside you."

Of all the things his grandmother could have said to him, that statement was the very last one Lucas expected to hear. His brows drew together as he looked at May, his bafflement clear. "But how could that—?"

"Because your mama was the love of Danny's life, and you are the product of that love."

"But I was a mistake, Gran. I was an accident."

"And you think Nathan wasn't?"

"No, but—"

"Your daddy didn't love Deb when they were dating in college," May explained gently, "and she didn't love him either; heck, they still don't love each other. They say they do, but they don't mean it. They've been lying to themselves for Nathan's sake and because they can't face the fact that they made the worst decision of their lives when they married for the wrong reasons. I remember how your daddy used to look at Karen when they were a couple and he has never once looked at Deb that way, not in all the years of their marriage. He doesn't love Deb with anywhere near the depth that he loved Karen. I'd stake my life on it and your grandpa's too."

Lucas shook his head, unwilling to believe it. He'd been avoiding his father and his stepmother as much as possible ever since a court order had compelled him to live here, but even though he'd seen things now and again and overheard arguments and biting remarks that supported his grandmother's statements, he still felt she was wrong. She had to be. If she wasn't, why hadn't her beloved son ever divorced his wife so he could reunite with his supposed 'one true love' well before she died? Lucas didn't ask, but his gaze hardened as he shifted his weight in his chair.

"Look, Gran, I love you for trying to convince me that I'm special to him—"

"You are!"

"No, I'm not. And I know I'm not because your baby boy treated my mom like crap ever since she told him she was pregnant with me, so that basically means he never really loved her at all. He didn't love her then and he doesn't love me now. Forcing me stay here with him when I'd literally give anything to go live with Uncle Keith … well, it just proves it. Dan Scott is a selfish bastard and I hate him and I'm always gonna hate him. Nothing you say is gonna change that."

Lucas sulked as he tried to focus once more on his breakfast, but May refused to give up on getting through to him. She reached out and caressed his cheek.

"Sweetheart, you need to look beyond the surface when it comes to your daddy. You need to search real deep."

"Why should I? It won't make a difference."

"Yes, it will, honey; I promise you. Your daddy was about as far from kind as a man could get back when Karen was alive, we both know that, but do you know what it tells me? It tells me that if he truly felt nothing for your mama, he wouldn't have treated her badly at all; he would've simply ignored her because she wouldn't have existed to him, no matter what she said or did. I know my son."

"Well, I know him too," Lucas said. "And if I was so special to him because of who my mother was, why didn't he try to build a relationship with me while I was growing up? Why didn't he try to be my dad at least once in my life before Mom was killed?"

"But he did—"

"No, he didn't."

"Of course, he di—"

"No, he didn't!"

May scrutinized her grandson's face, but he wasn't lying to her. He wasn't being selective with his memory on purpose and he wasn't being obstinate just for the sake of it. He really and truly didn't know that his father had wanted him right from the start. May's eyes filled with pity.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I thought Karen would have told you."

"Told me what?"

"Sweetheart … your dad _did_ try to be in your life; he tried a long time ago. Almost from the moment he and Deb moved back to town he was on your mama's doorstep asking to help raise you, but Karen kept saying no, which just pushed him to try to hire a lawyer to sue for custody. Unfortunately, everyone he went to was sure that he would lose. No one would take his case, and that's when Royal and I stepped in and tried to persuade Karen to change her mind."

As Lucas sat there speechless and felt his heart begin to pound, floored by what he was hearing for the first time ever in his life, May went on in a voice filled with regret.

"I really can't tell you how sorry I am that we failed, honey, but that's exactly what your grandpa and I did. We failed. Nothing we said to Karen made a single bit of difference. In fact, we might as well have been talking to a brick wall because there was no way she was going to share you with anybody except Keith. Dan had kept his distance for far too long at that point, and so had we, and Karen had grown tougher in the time we'd all been away. She'd learned that she had everything she needed to get by without us, plus she always had your uncle to lean on when things got rough. She just didn't see a reason to forgive your daddy for leaving her the way he had or to forgive us for supporting him."

Lucas was silent for a good minute before he found his tongue again. "My mom never told me Dan wanted me," he finally admitted. He stared at the glass of juice in front of him without really seeing it, unaware that his fingers were starting to tremble. "All she ever said was that he took off pretty much the second she told him she was going to have his baby, but ... why would she do that to me? Why would she lie like that?"

May placed a warm, steadying hand over her grandson's. "I honestly can't answer that, honey, but maybe she was planning to tell you someday. She just … ran out of time."

Lucas raised his eyes to meet May's. "Then why didn't Dan ever tell me himself? I've been living here for six months, Gran. Maybe I wouldn't've believed him, but he could've at least _tried_ to tell me the truth."

"But why would he do that if he thinks you already know the truth?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean on this your daddy's probably just like me, sweetheart. I'm sure he thinks you know all about the custody fight, but you're angry with him anyway for not fighting for you longer. I'm betting he has no idea Karen kept all that from you. I certainly had no idea. It never even occurred to me that she would do such a thing to my grandson."

When Lucas grew quiet and went back to staring bitterly at the half-empty glass in front of him, May stood up with a sigh and placed Dan's abandoned coffee cup in the sink for rinsing.

"Anyway, you know your daddy and that pride of his. Even if he suspected Karen had left you in the dark all this time, he's not about to beg your forgiveness when the chances are slim-to-none he'd ever get it. And on top of that, he's not about to badmouth your mama when you're still grieving her as hard as you are. A thing like that would just be the final nail in the coffin between you, wouldn't you say?"

Lucas was too overwhelmed by conflicting feelings to know how to answer that, so May ran the taps, intending to give him his space while she took care of the dishes. An instant later, she shut off the water as a sneaking suspicion occurred to her. Thoughtfully, she turned around.

"Sweetheart? What did your mama tell you about the day you were born?"

Lucas frowned as he pushed the food around on his plate. "She told me that her parents refused to come but that you, and Grandpa and Uncle Keith were there. She said Keith got all emotional while he was holding me. It was the first time she'd ever seen him cry."

"And that's it?"

"Yeah … pretty much."

May hesitated a moment then returned to her stool to sit beside Lucas. The second she covered his hand with her own again Lucas braced himself.

"Honey, your grandpa and your uncle Keith and I weren't the only Scott family members who were there that day. Your daddy … well … he was there too."

"Wait ... what?"

May nodded. "Your Uncle Keith called us from the hospital after Karen went into labor, and we all came running: me with your grandpa and your daddy all the way from UNC. He drove all night from college to get there on time, although he didn't make it until after you were born."

Lucas shook his head. "No, Gran. No way."

"Yes, he—"

" _No_. That can't be. My mom wouldn't keep that from me too, so you're wrong. You have to be wrong!"

"No, honey, I'm not. After all the years we've spent apart, do you really think I would lie to you about something like this?"

Lucas looked into May's eyes and saw right away that she wouldn't – which meant the liar in this instance was Karen Roe, the one person he loved and had trusted above all others. Lucas stiffened as he glared at the remains of his breakfast. He ordered himself not to care and told himself that none of these stupid revelations made a difference in how he felt about his mom, but he couldn't keep up the charade. First period was going to end soon and he still hadn't left the house, but he didn't give a shit about that either. Abruptly, he shoved his plate away. The last thing he wanted right now was food, and as righteous anger and a pain borne of betrayal began to consume him, Lucas clenched his fists.

"I don't get it," he said. "Why all these secrets? Why didn't my mom or at least Uncle Keith ever tell me that my dad was there the day I was born? They raised me, Gran. They knew how much I resented Dan for never showing any interest, so why would they let me suffer like that? Why wouldn't they tell me at least one nice thing about him like him friggin' being there the day I was born?"

Why indeed.

May certainly wished she knew the answer to Luke's question. She didn't have a clue at first why Keith would have helped Karen to keep such secrets, but, as she eased closer to her grandson and stroked his sandy-blond hair in silent sympathy, hair that was so like the color of her own and which she'd never been allowed to touch when he was younger, memories of that day sixteen years ago seemed to crystallize.

All at once, May's breath caught in her throat.

With such a long and acrimonious history between her two boys, their fights going all the way back to early childhood, she had always assumed that it was impossible to pinpoint the exact moment her sons had truly turned on one another, but the day of Luke's birth had been it, she realized. When Keith had stuck by Karen's bedside and then smoothly stolen the mantle of fatherhood from Dan that had been the moment. And it had been such a quiet one too. There had been no yelling or fisticuffs, her boys hadn't even traded insults. There had simply been Dan walking up and then Dan walking away, and just like that, a permanent rift had been born. What's more, Karen and Keith had been oblivious. Of that, May was positive now.

Determined to explain this to her grandson in a way that he would believe, May pressed a kiss to Luke's head.

"Honey, I think the reason your mama and your uncle never told you about your daddy coming to the hospital that day was because they never knew themselves."

"But you just said—"

"I know what I said, but I wasn't clear, baby. What I should have told you was that I saw your daddy in the doorway to Karen's room when I was coming down the hall in the maternity ward. I expected him to go in, but … he didn't. He just stood there and then he left, and the look on his face, well to be honest, I don't know how I could have forgotten it."

Lucas felt his chest clamping shut and swallowed with difficulty. "Why? What did he look like?"

"He ... he looked like a man coming face to face with a traitor," May said quietly, "like the person in front of him had just torn out his heart. I didn't know at first what your daddy had seen to make him look like that, but after he backed away and left, and I went into your mama's room to see my very first grandbaby, I knew." May planted another kiss to Like's forehead and smiled. "You were the sweetest, most precious little thing, but you weren't in Karen's arms just then. You were in Keith's, and you were all swaddled in a blanket, just as cute and comfortable as can be with Karen lying there in bed, watching you both. She wasn't aware of anyone except you and Keith, and Keith wasn't anyone of anyone either except you and Karen." Slowly, May's smile faded. "You were the perfect family unit unto yourselves just then, Lucas honey, and that's exactly what your daddy must have decided when he came up to the doorway. And I think … looking back … I think it destroyed something inside him."

"Well good because the three of us _were_ a family," Lucas choked out. "Uncle Keith was the only dad I had every day of my life until Mom died. And he'd be my dad legally, right now, if I'd been allowed to live with him."

As Lucas wiped impatiently at the moisture filling his eyes, May hugged him closer and rubbed circles in his back. "I know, sweetheart, I know. Your Uncle Keith has always been the one you can count on, but you need to remember that your real daddy is back in your life now and he has missed you for a long, long while. He must have wanted to pick you up so many times and take his rightful place beside your mama, but he waited too long to say his sorrys and now she's gone. But you're still with us and that's all that matters."

"So what's he trying to do now?" Lucas sniffed. "Make up for lost time? Does he really think I'll l-let him?"

May pressed her lips to Luke's blond head exactly where Dan had kissed him minutes before. "I think he's hoping you will in time, honey. I think he's determined to keep trying for as long as it takes because he loves you, and he's missed you, and he wants desperately to be the daddy to you that he always should have been. Do you think someday you can give him that chance?" May waited for Lucas to nod against her, but a minute passed and then two, and she realized she was pushing too hard and too soon. She was asking too much. She sighed quietly to herself and continued to pat Luke's quivering back, knowing that he had been missing this, a mother's touch. She gave him the time he needed to pull himself together, and finally, when the sniffling had stopped for good, she eased herself away and smiled brightly, determined to cheer them both up. "You're late for class, little boy, and that just won't do for a youngster who's on the honor roll. Finish your breakfast and then come meet me outside. I'll drive you to school."

Lucas hesitated a moment longer then stood up self-consciously and stuffed his hands in his front pockets. "I'm not that hungry anymore, Gran, and I think … I think I'd rather walk. You mind?"

May did not. With a boy as brooding as the one before her, she had a fair idea why Lucas preferred to take his time getting to class today of all days, so she shook her head in answer to his question and opened her arms to him.

"All right, leave those dishes and come say goodbye to Granny."

Lucas went over for one last hug, then collected his backpack off the floor in the hallway and left the mansion for school. His focus wasn't the least bit on Tree Hill High, though, so well before he finally reached the campus, every step he took towards it was a blur. He slipped into second period pre-Calculus just as the last bell rang and he sat between Haley and Mouth as usual, but his greetings to them were automatic and the notes he took over the next hour were doodles more than anything else. Third period English and his fourth period Astronomy class were also a fog. The teachers lectured but Lucas heard nothing, and when lunch time finally rolled around and he sat in the quad with Skills, Fergie, Junk and Haley, he still wasn't mentally present with his friends. On top of all that, he hadn't brought a thing to eat from home … again.

Haley let his pensive silence go on for only thirty seconds more before she stopped unwrapping her sandwich and stood up from their table.

"Excuse us, guys. Luke, come with me."

Lucas had no choice but to come back to the here and now when his arm got yanked. He stumbled after his best friend in confusion as she marched him past three other tables. "What, Hales? What's going on?"

Haley led them over to the vending machines where no other kids were currently standing and then planted herself in front of him. "How about you tell me first? You're clearly planning to waste away to nothing before Thanksgiving since you're lunchless for the tenth day in a row, and I'm _still_ waiting to find out why you were late this morning which, by the way, I've inquired about three times now. I'll bet you didn't even hear me talking to you before, did you?"

"Hales—"

"I'm serious, Luke. You're like some sort of cute, blond zombie! You've been walking around here in a major daze ever since you stepped on campus, and it's driving me crazy! You weren't like this last night when we were talking on the phone, so what happened after we hung up? Is Nathan harassing you again?"

"No, it's not him this time."

"Well, if it's not him, it has to be Dan then, right? So what'd he say?"

"Actually ... he didn't say anything for once."

Haley waited impatiently, fully expecting Lucas to elaborate, and when he didn't she poked him in the chest. "All right, Lucas Eugene, that's it. I'm invoking my status as your best friend to find out the truth, so spill it. What's going on? And don't try and tell me it's nothing because it's pretty obvious that it's not."

Lucas hesitated awhile longer, not sure how to articulate the thoughts that were consuming him. Finally, he stuffed his hands in his front pockets and took a deep breath. "Okay, well, you know how my gran's been staying with us the last few weeks?"

"Yeah, you told me she's been trying to play matchmaker between you and Dan."

"Exactly, but this morning she really went all out. She told me stuff I don't even think my mom knew and it's freaking me out, Hales. I can't get it out of my head."

"Oh, Luke, I'm sorry." Haley gave him a quick hug, regretting her exasperation with him. "What did she tell you?"

Lucas felt his stomach clench as he looked away a moment before turning back to face his closest friend. "She told me Keith was with my mom right after I was born."

Haley's concern shifted to one of confusion. "Okay, but ...you knew that already, didn't you, Luke? What's so bad about—?"

"She also said Dan was there too that day. She said he came to see us, Hales. She said he left college and drove all night to be with me and my mom."

"What? But I thought he was, like, a total no-show until Karen passed away?"

"Yeah, I thought so too, but he was there, Hales. He was _there_. He came right up to the door of her hospital room, but then he turned away after seeing Keith was already holding me."

"So he just took off without saying anything?"

"Yeah ... Gran said he did."

Haley bit her lip a moment, considering the possibilities. "Well, are you sure it's true? Maybe your grandmother was mistaken. Or maybe she was lying outright because she just wishes she _had_ seen Dan do the right thing for once. Maybe—"

"I don't think she was lying to me, Hales." Lucas shook his head, his expression pained. "I think maybe Dan was gonna reconcile with my mom the day I was born, but he never did because he saw Keith with us and he figured he'd already been replaced."

"God, Luke … I just … I don't know what to say..."

"It gets better."

"What do you mean?"

As Haley began to brace herself, Lucas subconsciously did the same. "Gran also told me that Dan tried to share custody later."

"He did?! When?!"

"Apparently, when he first moved back to Tree Hill with Deb and Nathan. I was only about a year old then, so I guess that's why I don't remember any of it."

"And Karen told him no?"

Lucas nodded, his lips twisted in a bitter smile. "Dan hired a lawyer and tried to sue, and my grandparents tried to get Mom to change her mind, but she wouldn't budge. She basically told them that since she had Keith she didn't need anyone else to help raise me."

Haley hesitated to say what she was thinking, but she knew she had to; it's what best friends do. She stepped closer to Lucas and laid a hand on his arm. "I don't mean to sound insensitive, Luke, but ... learning all this about Dan, does it really make a difference?"

"Haley—"

"No, listen. He didn't just give up on you and your mom; he _ostracized_ you guys for years and made you feel like you were unworthy your whole life. In my book, that pretty much makes him the worst parent in all of Tree Hill, don't you think?"

"But that's the question I keep asking myself over and over. Is he really?" Lucas winced as he stuffed his fists deeper into his pockets. "Maybe he's just flawed, Hales. Maybe my gran was right when she said he broke inside after he lost us and he never fully recovered. I don't know for sure ... maybe he just needs me to forgive him and start giving him a chance to prove that he can be a decent dad."

"But he already had that chance, Luke. He had it with Nathan and he totally screwed it up. Do you really want to give him carte blanche to turn you into another jerkoff jock or to reject you all over again?"

"No, but what else am I supposed to do now that I know all this about him? I have two more years to go before I can escape his house and take off for college—"

"Lucas—"

"I can't keep living like this, Haley!" As several students' heads turned in their direction and the giggling and gossiping began, Lucas felt his face flush and he lowered his voice. He took Haley's arm and steered her out of the quad completely until they were around the corner and hidden by some bushes under the library windows. "Look, it sucks, okay? It sucks living under Dan's roof and hating him all the time when all my life the only thing I ever wanted was to spend some time with him, to get to know my dad. And now... now I find out he _was_ gonna be my dad from the start, but he didn't because of some dumb misunderstanding."

"It wasn't—"

"No, Haley. Don't you get it? I finally have a reason to _forgive_ him. If Keith had stayed in the waiting room after I was born, or he'd gone to get a cup of coffee or something instead of sticking by my mom's bedside the whole time, Dan would've gone into her hospital room and they would've gotten back together right then and there sixteen years ago."

"You don't know that for sure, Luke."

"Yeah, Hales, I think I do. He turned his back on us for way too many years afterwards, I'm not forgetting any of that, but it wasn't for the reasons everyone in this town thinks. He wanted us. He wanted to marry _my_ mom and he wanted to raise _me_. All this time he cared, Hales. He cared."

Haley looked more doubtful than ever, her knowledge of Dan Scott forbidding her from seeing him in any kind of unselfish light, but Lucas couldn't help it. He _was_ seeing his father differently thanks to the information May had shared that morning. After all, he'd been living with the man for over six months now, so he knew firsthand that Dan Scott could be decent sometimes. Sure, he was a hypercritical ass when his boys were playing basketball, but he was also generous to a fault when it came to allowances and other things, plus there was no denying how hard and dirty he'd fought every single day in court during the custody battle against Keith. He'd proven over and over again how determined he was to win the right to raise his firstborn son, and that was love in a twisted sort of way, wasn't it? Lucas wanted to believe it … then again, he also didn't want to be fooled. He needed to be convinced that he knew the full truth, which meant he needed more time to think things through … and he really needed to talk to his Uncle Keith.

As a gaggle of varsity players from the football team rough-housed their way past them toward the parking lot, Lucas made up his mind.

"Listen ... I think I'm gonna cut out early."

"But you practically just got here, Luke—"

"I know, but I can't do this right now. I can't stay and pretend like I care about playing dodgeball in gym class when all this crap is spinning around in my head."

"Okay, well, let me get my stuff and I'll skip with you."

Haley stepped out of their hiding place, but Lucas held her back before she could go any further. He was grateful for the offer, but company wasn't what he needed right now, even if that company was his best friend's. "No, Hales, not today. I'll talk to you later."

A worried Haley watched him go in silence, conflicted as to whether or not she should follow him anyway. Ultimately, she decided to give him his space, but she couldn't help calling after him, "Come by my house for dinner around six, okay? We'll go to a movie or something after and catch up!"

Lucas let her know he'd heard by raising an arm, but he didn't turn back.

He left the school grounds exactly as he was, too preoccupied right now to care that his backpack and his homework were still in his locker. He jogged a block east to the closest city bus stop, and then checked his wallet to make sure he had enough money to board since there was a very real possibility that he did not. He had almost no savings left from his old life; in fact, he hadn't been this poor since he was twelve. Things had been totally different when his mom was still alive and the only dad he'd really had was his uncle, but those days were long gone. Karen's Café had been converted to a dollar store months ago by the new owner, and as for continuing to work at the auto body shop, well, that was completely off-limits now according to Dan, that along with everything else connected to Keith.

Not that Lucas obeyed the new rules very much.

He still snuck over to see his uncle a few times a week after school, but the visits were never long enough to allow him to work and then to get paid for that work. Of course, there was an easy solution to his cash-flow problem and that was Dan himself, but so far, Lucas had stuck to his guns. He'd categorically refused to accept a job at the dealership so he could work alongside his "daddy", and he'd also refused to accept a family credit card like the one Nathan possessed. He'd rather die before he caved or let himself get bribed.

Or so he'd been saying for the last six months.

As Lucas found himself counting quarters once again instead of dollar bills, he frowned and realized that he _was_ going to have to cave soon, whether or not he decided to forgive his father. Being broke all the time was really beginning to suck.

He put back the leftover nickels and dimes and tried not to think of how much emptier his wallet now was while he waited for the bus. The moment it came, he climbed on and took a seat at the back, his thoughts shifting to Keith and the cool, relaxed vibe they used to enjoy while working together. God, how Lucas missed it. He blinked fast and locked his gaze out the window, wishing with everything he had that time travel was possible. It wasn't though, which meant that it was time for him to grow up and make a choice.

A half-hour later, he stepped down from the bus then walked the last block to Keith's shop. All four bays were open and a lone customer was inside while Keith stood behind the counter, finalizing a bill. Lucas hung back until the client was gone, and then he stepped forward.

"Hey."

Keith was glad to see him, but he hid his joy once he checked the clock on the far wall. He arched an eyebrow at his nephew. "What's this, Luke? I know it's Friday afternoon, but since when do you ditch school in the middle of the day?"

Lucas flushed with guilt but didn't offer any excuses. Instead, he took another step forward. "Uncle Keith, I need to talk to you about Dan."

"Well, there goes my appetite," Keith said with a smirk, "but no worries. I think I've got an old dartboard around back with his picture still on it. You want me to rig it up so we can both vent the old-fashioned way?"

"I'm serious, Uncle Keith. I need to talk to you about ... about my dad."

The pain came quickly this time, much faster than it usually did whenever Keith was faced with a sharp reminder that Lucas was not his son and was never going to be either. He picked up a rag to hide it, pretending like he needed to scrub off some excess grease while he came out from behind the counter. Today wasn't about him. On the bench outside where his customers sometimes liked to sit and catch some rays while their cars were getting a minor fix, Keith parked himself then gestured for Lucas to join him.

"All right, Luke. Let's talk. What's on your mind?"

Lucas took a seat and told him. Hesitantly at first then faster and faster, he relayed the morning's conversation with May, repeating everything their family matriarch had revealed about the day of his birth and Dan's reaction to finding his older brother there at Karen's side ahead of him. As soon as Lucas moved on and finished telling Keith that Dan had also tried filing for custody, the elder Scott rose from the bench without warning, his expression unnaturally tight.

"I, uh, I need to go inside for a minute."

"Uncle Keith? Uncle Keith, are you okay?"

Keith couldn't bring himself to reply. He held up a hand to stop Lucas from following and then he disappeared inside his shop, heading straight for the bathroom. In there, he slammed the door behind himself, locked it and then spent the next twenty minutes struggling to control his breathing, a fury building within his chest that was truly frightening in its strength. He yanked from his back pocket the photo he always carried of Karen, but it wasn't to kiss it this time or to mourn her in silence. This time, he wanted only to yell at it except he knew he couldn't because her son was nearby, and God knows, the last thing Lucas needed was to overhear the uncle who'd half-raised him lose it at a time like this. With effort, Keith pulled himself together, restored the photo to his back pocket and then returned to his nephew outside.

Pacing before the bench, Lucas stopped and studied him with concern. "What happened? Are you okay? You were gone for ages."

Keith nodded and forced himself to lighten up. "I'm fine, Luke. Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." As Lucas continued to look doubtful, Keith sat down where he'd been before and then motioned for the teen to join him. "The bigger question is you, kid. How do you feel about all this now that my mom's filled you in?"

Lucas flushed as he eased onto the bench. "Confused mostly. And lost. And I feel ... I feel ..."

"You feel what?"

"I feel really pissed at Mom, and I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it. I don't understand this, Uncle Keith, any of it. Neither of you knew that Dan came to see Mom in the hospital, but she definitely knew he wanted to share custody, so how could she keep a secret that big from me? All she ever said was that he took off and never looked back. She never said he wanted me. She never even hinted that he cared. Did you know that he wanted to share custody?"

"Not really, no."

"Well then I don't get it! Why would she do that? Was she ever going to tell either of us the truth?"

In Lucas, Keith could see the same anger he'd felt in the bathroom moments ago, so he knew exactly what his nephew was feeling. If Karen was alive right now, she'd have a lot of explaining to do, but she wasn't alive, and somehow Keith had to defend her motives to a shaken young boy who was torn between missing his mom and feeling betrayed by her lie. Aside from Lucas himself, Keith was the one person who had known her best, but how could he give a reason for the secrets she had kept when he felt just as deceived as his nephew? What the devil had Karen been thinking all those years? Keith wished he knew. He looked at the wounded teen seated less than a foot away, a teenager that was looking to _him_ for answers he didn't have, and he did the only thing he could. He shook his head.

"I don't know, Luke. I swear I don't. I'm just as mystified as you are that Karen kept quiet about Dan wanting custody when you were little, and to be honest ... I'm more than a little pissed at her myself. I'm also pretty pissed at my parents. Dan told me a long time ago that he asked Karen to share custody, but Karen never once backed him up on it, so I basically called him a liar and told him to drop dead. My parents weren't there when we argued that time, but they still knew how I felt about everything and they could've convinced me Dan was telling the truth. For the life of me I can't figure out why they didn't. If I'd known he'd gone so far as to try to hire a lawyer way back then ... I don't know that we would've fallen out as much as we did these last sixteen years. If everyone had just been open from the start, I probably wouldn't have fought my own brother in court as hard as I did when your mom died. It makes sense now why he wanted you so bad."

"And why was that?" Lucas looked across the parking lot to a junk car missing both side doors and a tire. "Because he 'loves' me?"

"That or something really close to it, Luke."

"But what if you're wrong? What if we're both wrong? What if I let him in and he dumps me again?"

"Do you really think he will after what my mom told you this morning?"

"I don't know … Haley thinks he will."

"But what do you think?"

"I think … well, I'm starting to think that Dan Scott is capable of just about anything when it comes to me. Mostly though, I think he's an ass."

"You and me both, kid."

For a good minute, silence reined. Finally, Lucas squirmed in his seat and glanced to the right. "Uncle Keith?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it okay to say that I wish Dan could've been the kind of dad to me that you are?"

There it was again, that near-crippling pain in his gut, but Keith refused to show it. He nodded. "It's okay, Luke. In your shoes … well in your shoes, I'm pretty sure I'd want the same thing."

"Count yourself lucky you were never _in_ my shoes then," Lucas added quietly, "'cause I hate not knowing if I should take a chance and start trusting my own father. I mean, if Dan really wanted to share custody when I was little, then he shouldn't have kept his distance from me for the next fifteen years, and he shouldn't have waited for my mom's funeral to show some interest in being my dad. I've been thinking about that ever since I left home today, and my head says him doing all those things means he's not a good guy, but all the things Gran told me this morning says he _can_ be a good guy, so which is it? What do I do?"

As Lucas looked on the verge of asking something else but then seemed to change his mind, Keith decided to prompt him. "Well, your head's one thing and your heart's another, Luke. What does your heart say you should do?

Lucas fell silent for longer this time as he dropped his gaze and stared at the cement beneath his shoes. When he finally raised his chin a few minutes later, the conflict he felt within clearly hadn't dissipated.

"I don't wanna say what my heart is telling me, Uncle Keith, 'cause what it's telling me to do ... I'm not sure I'm ready to believe."

* * *

It was after five-thirty when Lucas finally returned home, feeling hot, sticky and completely hollowed out. On the family's private basketball court, he could see Nathan playing one-on-one with Tim, but their taunts and laughter barely penetrated this time since neither was directed at him for a change. He crossed the driveway and entered the mansion through the side door closest to the kitchen, intending to shower quickly, change his clothes and then head over to Haley's for dinner, but his plans were interrupted the instant he stepped foot inside the house. There ahead of him once again was the same parent he'd been pondering all day.

Dan immediately quit sifting through the mail and pinned his firstborn with a look. "Son."

Lucas came to a halt and tensed up on instinct, his hands drifting unconsciously to settle inside the front pockets of his jeans. "You, uh, want something?"

For a good ten seconds, Dan was silent. It wasn't often that Lucas screwed up and gave his father a chance to actually be a father, so when the opportunity presented itself, Dan stretched it out and savored it. He gave Lucas another few seconds to sweat and then he let him have it.

"As a matter of fact, I do want something. How about you give me an explanation, son."

"An explanation for what? I haven't done anything."

"Oh no? Then why did your school call saying you missed most of the day without a note from me excusing you?" A scowling Lucas tried to open his mouth and defend himself, but Dan steam-rolled right over him. "Now I wasn't surprised to hear that you missed first period, but what's this about you skipping every single class after lunch? You turning into Nathan all of a sudden? Is that what I should expect from now on? Two good-for-nothing report cards instead of only one?"

"Don't flip out, all right. I had a good reason."

"Oh really."

"Yeah, you know what? I did!"

Dan crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter. "All right, son. Impress me. What was so all-fired important you had to dump your education for the day?"

Lucas felt his nostrils flaring but made an effort to calm down and keep his tone even. "I went to see Uncle Keith for a bit. I know you don't want me doing that anymore, but I had to. I needed to talk to him."

"Your uncle, huh?" Dan made a face, the same one he always made lately whenever his brother was mentioned. "I should have known. You sneak off every second day to see him, don't you? What'd you two whine about this time?"

"We didn't whine, for your information; we talked. And what we talked about isn't any of your business."

"All right, let's try this: what time did you leave his shop?"

"Around three."

"And then? Where did you go after that since you sure as hell didn't go back to school or come home?"

"You know, you don't hammer Nathan like this when he skips."

"I told you before, Lucas, you're not your brother. You're a far better student than he is and you're damn well going to stay that way while you're living under my roof. Now where did you go?"

Lucas stiffened as he looked away, knowing exactly how his father was going to react. "I went to the river court."

Dan nodded at that, his upper lip curled in disgust. "Great. That's just great. You spent half the afternoon gossiping with my boozehound of a brother and the other half playing basketball when you should have been in school. Well, guess what, son? You've just earned yourself—"

 _"I didn't waste my afternoon playing basketball, all right? I spent it sitting on the bleachers trying to decide whether or not I want to be your damn son!"_

Dan opened his mouth and then shut it, his brow clearing in stages as he processed what Lucas had just yelled at him. For well over a minute father and son stared at each other in silence, and then Dan uncrossed arms and stood up straighter, a tentative smile beginning to form. "Do I want to know your final decision?"

Lucas averted his gaze and pressed his fists deeper inside his pockets. He honestly couldn't remember ever feeling so awkward, but he'd settled on a course of action almost an hour ago, and damn it, he was tired of doubting himself. He took a deep breath and kept his eyes trained on his sneakers as he deflected his father's question with one of his own. "Look, I know my education is important, so I promise I won't skip school anymore. Can we please just move past this now, Daddy?"

There it was, the term of address Dan Scott had been waiting for his firstborn son utter – without sarcasm or bitterness – for over sixteen years. With that five-letter word, he could forgive his boys anything, especially this one, and he proved it seconds later with the next two statements out of his mouth.

"Yes, I think we can move past this, son. Thank you."

Lucas took an unsteady breath. "So … that's it? I'm not, like, grounded or anything?"

Dan almost laughed. A moment ago, he'd had been about to announce exactly that, but there was no way he could anymore. "No, son. You're not grounded."

Lucas tried to relax now that the first step had been taken and the hardest part was over, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. For the life of him, he didn't know what to do or say next; the territory he was on was too unfamiliar. He tried to offer at least a small smile back to his father at least, but the muscles around his mouth wouldn't cooperate and it wasn't helping that Dan seemed mere seconds away from pulling him into a hug. Lucas didn't think he could handle that right now. Abruptly, he gave the man a wide berth then went to the fridge and opened its doors, staring at the stocked shelves for no reason except to avoid looking at the only birth parent he had left. When he glanced back a good fifteen seconds later, Dan's smile was still in place but now his attention was on the mail, so Lucas extracted a bottle of water he didn't particularly want then closed the doors for good. He leaned against the counter by the sink and fiddled with the plastic cover for another half a minute before he forced himself to raise his head.

"Listen, uh, where's Gran?"

"She stepped out to go the store for a minute. You need her for something?"

"No, but ... I was hoping I could skip dinner at home. Haley invited me over, so we'll probably eat with her family and then go out somewhere. I figure since it's Friday night and there's no school tomorrow..."

Impossibly, Dan's smile widened yet another notch as he slit the envelope for their water bill. "You asking my permission to go out, son?"

Lucas tightened his grip on the bottle in his hands. "Sort of. I guess."

"And what time is Haley expecting you? Were you planning to leave now?"

"Yeah, I was. You mind?"

"I don't know." Dan set down the invoice in his hand then looked directly at him. "Will you take your car?"

In truth, Lucas hadn't thought about that at all, but after what he'd just told his dad, he knew there was only one acceptable answer. "I was going to, but I, uh, lost the keys you gave me."

That wasn't exactly true and both father and son knew it. Months ago and mere seconds after receiving them, Lucas had chucked those keys into the deep end of the pool where they had stayed until the pool cleaner had fished them out. Lucas waited for Dan to bring that up and rub it in, but the man didn't do anything of the kind.

"They're in the top drawer of my desk in the den. Try not to 'lose' them again, huh?" As Lucas blushed and started to leave, Dan held out an arm to stop him. "Wait. How are you for cash?"

"I'm … good."

It was another blatant lie, of course, and Lucas was certain his father was going to call him on it this time. Again, though, he was wrong. Dan shook his head at the stubbornness of his firstborn son, but that was all he did as he took out his wallet then removed all the cash within. "I'll bet. Take this."

Never in his life had Lucas been offered so much money as a gift. There were fifties, twenties and at least three hundreds being handed to him, none of which he had earned. "I-I can't," he protested. "It's too much—"

"No, it's not," Dan said. "You're overdue and I'm not taking no for an answer anymore. Just go have fun on your old man."

Lucas hesitated, berating himself for being so tempted, until he rationalized that he could work this off by being a good son and a much better brother. Nathan's grades weren't exactly stellar from what he'd seen. Maybe he could tutor him and pay back the money that way? If he helped him out so there was less tension between them at home, and the whole family benefitted as a result, that wasn't exactly selfish, was it? Lucas told himself it wasn't. He stared at the wad of cash a moment longer then buried his conscience and accepted it. Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to walk away with it.

Dan saw his struggle and nudged him toward the hallway with a smile. "Go on, son. Haley's waiting."

Lucas wavered a moment longer but after a second nudge from Dan he left the kitchen as ordered, retrieved the keys to the Corvette, and then trekked upstairs for a quick shower. On his way back down ten minutes later, however, he paused again. Heading out to Haley's just like that didn't seem right somehow. His dad had given him a ton of money _and_ a car, yet not once had he insisted on a thank you. Obviously, he expected his firstborn to be as cavalier about such things as Nathan was, but if that was the case, his expectations were way off. Lucas couldn't take this kind of generosity for granted. About this, he wasn't ever going to be like his brother.

Seated now at one of the stools in the kitchen while he perused the day's paper, Dan glanced over as Lucas re-entered the room.

"You forget something, son?"

"No, I just wanted to say thank you for everything—"

"You're welcome."

"—and to let you know I might not be home until late. You'll probably be asleep when I get back." When Dad nodded his acknowledgement but didn't otherwise respond, Lucas thought of how he would treat his mom if she were here and he knew what he had to do. "I, uh, guess I should tell you good night from now since I won't see you later."

Dan opened his mouth to reply, "If you want to," but didn't get the chance. Before he could blink, Lucas came forward and gave him a full upper body hug, the first one ever initiated by him in the history of their relationship thus far. A second later it was over. The self-conscious teenager stepped back and stuffed his hands as deep into his front pockets as they would go, trying hard to act like what he'd just done was normal.

"Well … g'night, Dad."

Lucas turned away at that point, intending to leave, but to his surprise, Dan pulled him back then reached out to touch the touch the side of his face. "Good night, son. Have a good time."

Lucas nodded in return and then that was it. He was gone. He left the house through the same door he'd come in earlier, still slightly conflicted about the new footing he was on with his father. That feeling evaporated though, the second he spotted his shiny black Corvette waiting for him under the car port.

Unbidden, a huge grin split his face.

He ran straight to it, climbed inside and then just sat in the driver's seat a moment, unwilling to do anything more than run both hands over the steering wheel the same way he'd done the first time he'd climbed into a Sting Ray at age six. God, it was sinful how much he wanted this car, how much he had _always_ wanted this car. The vinyl interior, the circular gauges, even the smell was perfect; it was just like he remembered it from that classic auto show Uncle Keith had taken him to so many years ago. Most important of all, though: this car was his.

 _His!_

Lucas inserted the key in the ignition, turned it and revved the engine just because he could, his jaw actually hurting from the size of his smile. Nathan and Tim stopped playing basketball to stare at him and make their usual snide remarks, but none of their insults could be heard over the roar of the engine and that was just fine with Lucas. He saluted them from behind the wheel then backed out carefully into the street and took off for Haley's house, still grinning like a fool. Maybe tomorrow he would let himself wallow in guilt for taking his dad's money and accepting this awesome gift of a car, but right now, it felt pretty damn good being the son of Dan Scott!


End file.
